The woman was one of those irritating expat types who felt she owed it to the world to impart on her all her superior knowledge of life in France. I realised that if I didn't stop her now, she'd be bending my ear all the way to Bergerac. 'Actually,' I said, leaning in toward the woman, 'I'm planning to integrate my way into the boxers of the first good-looking Frenchman I see. Can't think of any better way to learn the language myself. You wouldn't happen to know the French for "fancy a shag?" would you? Voulez-vous coucher avec moi just seems a bit nineteen-seventies these days.' After one particularly bad day at work, advertising executive and confirmed city girl Melanie Jones decides to give up her old life in search of something new and simpler in South West France. With little knowledge of the country, even less of the language and just the memory of a disastrous school French exchange and a few day trips to Calais, she embarks on her adventure with a suitcase full of optimism and not a little bit of naivety. After all, how different can life in France be? After a series of adventures with skirt-ripping tractors, handsome twin farmers, celebrity not-quite-beens, unusual toilets and a bonkers ex-pat community, all topped up, of course, with lashings of rose, Melanie begins to discover that her new life in France isn't quite what she'd thought it would be. AUTHOR: Melanie Jones is an ex-ex-pat with a myriad of ex-careers, two children she adores and a husband in 'the biz' (the tv biz). Also she's a blogger for the HuffPost and has written for The Daily Mail.