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Our Tiny, Useless Hearts

Our Tiny, Useless Hearts 1

by Toni Jordan
Paperback
Publication Date: 02/05/2016
5/5 Rating 1 Review

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**Shortlisted for the Voss Literary Prize 2017**

Henry has ended his marriage to Caroline and headed off to Noosa with Mercedes' grade three teacher, Martha.

Caroline, having shredded a wardrobe-full of Henry's suits, has gone after them.

Craig and Lesley have dropped over briefly from next door to catch up on the fallout from Henry and Caroline's all-night row.

And Janice, Caroline's sister, is staying for the weekend to look after the girls because Janice is the sensible one. A microbiologist with a job she loves, a fervent belief in the beauty of the scientific method and a determination to make a solo life after her divorce from Alec.

Then Craig returns through the bedroom window expecting a tryst with Caroline and finds Janice in her bed, Lesley storms in with a jealous heart and a mouthful of threats, Henry, Caroline and Martha arrive back from the airport in separate taxis—and let's not even get started on Brayden the pizza guy.

Janice can cope with all that. But when Alec knocks on the door things suddenly get complicated.

Harnessing the exquisite timing of the great comedies to the narrative power and emotional intelligence for which she is famous, Toni Jordan brings all her wit, wisdom and flair to this brilliant, hilarious novel.

"A new Toni Jordan is always a special pleasure and her latest is a wonderful, witty treat of a novel: cutting and clever, and yet so very romantic, as though P.G. Wodehouse had satirised life in the suburbs." - Liane Moriarty

About the Author
Toni was born in Brisbane in 1966. She loved reading and writing at primary school (Seven Hills State School) but by high school (Lourdes Hill College) had become a science nerd. After leaving school, she enrolled in a Bachelor of Science at the University of Queensland, which she completed part time after almost failing due to a preoccupation with chasing boys. She has worked as a research assistant, molecular biologist, quality control chemist, door-to-door aluminium siding saleswoman, marketing manager, shop assistant and copywriter. In 1996 she moved to Melbourne, and in 2004 quit her job to study professional writing full time at RMIT University.

While studying, she began writing her debut novel, Addition. Addition has been published in Australia, the UK and Holland (as Alles Telt), with publication in Italy, France, Germany, the Czech Republic, Portugal, Israel, Brazil and North America coming soon. Toni’s articles have appeared in The Sunday Age, The Sun-Herald and The Monthly, and she also teaches creative writing. Toni lives in Melbourne with her husband Rob.

ISBN:
9781925355451
9781925355451
Category:
Contemporary fiction
Format:
Paperback
Publication Date:
02-05-2016
Publisher:
The Text Publishing Company
Pages:
288
Dimensions (mm):
231x154x21mm
Weight:
0.38kg
Toni Jordan

Toni Jordan is the author of four novels. The international bestseller Addition was a Richard and Judy Bookclub pick and was longlisted for the Miles Franklin Literary Award.

Fall Girl was published internationally and has been optioned for film, and Nine Days was awarded Best Fiction at the 2012 Indie Awards, was shortlisted for the ABIA Best General Fiction award and was named in Kirkus Review's top 10 Historical Novels of 2013. Her latest novel is Our Tiny, Useless Hearts.

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Jordan gives the reader a sitcom that would be easy to envisage on the stage: characters depart on flights to Noosa (and return unexpectedly); climb a garden trellis; turn up naked in the wrong bed; talk at crossed purposes; are overcome by passion (or pretend to be). Doorbells ring at highly inopportune moments; ex’s, mistresses, lovers and neighbours turn up to stay the night; secrets are revealed.

The strength of any good farce lies with the dialogue, and Jordan fills her novel with clever banter, malapropisms and the delightful observations of children: “It’s only for grown-ups. It’s sour, but when you get old, that’s what you like” (Mercedes on wine).

Except for the charming Mercedes and Paris, all the characters are flawed and very human. Some, like Alec, are (very) appealing, some, like Craig, eminently throttle-able: “You’re allowed to experience lust. It’s natural. I hate to see female passion being suppressed by the societal conventions of the male-dominant paradigm of the phallocentric patriarchy”.

Amidst the comedy, Jordan manages to touch on infidelity (of course), infertility, single-parent families, a common childhood misconception about cats and dogs, and the contents of the high cupboard in the kitchen. There are plenty of laugh-out-loud moments, but also one or two to cause a lump in the throat.

There should be a warning attached to this book, however. Reading in public may garner disapproval due to the inelegant snorting, snickering and laughing out loud which is inevitable. Similarly, reading certain passages whilst eating or drinking is inadvisable due to a possible choking hazard or other food/drink related mishap.

The back-cover blurb states “Toni Jordan harnesses the exquisite timing of classic farce to the narrative power and emotional intelligence for which she is famous to produce a brilliant, heartbreaking, hilarious novel”. A more accurate or succinct description than this would be difficult to conceive. This book is an absolute pleasure to read and fans of Jordan’s work will not be disappointed.

Contains Spoilers No
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