Ever been on a date and been threatened by a stranger wielding an ice cream? Olwen has. Ever been on a first date and found the person you are dining with trying to part your legs under the restaurant table? Olwen has. Ever wondered whether love actually exists at all? Olwen definitely has. After hitting the new low of being dumped by someone she hadn't even met yet, Olwen started to wonder whether the disastrous twists and turns of her dating journey had been her own fault all along. This is the brutally honest, hilarious and occasionally heart-breaking dating memoir of a self-confessed lifelong Love Soldier who - despite everything - hoped that one day she would find her true love and graduate to being a Love Conqueror. She just needed to work out what the bloody hell 'true love' actually meant ...