It's Christmas Eve in Royston Vasey and the Reverend Bernice receives an unexpected guest. Charlie Hull is haunted by a 'cheese-dream' in which wife Stella dramatically raises the stakes in their ongoing marital war. What is 'Solutions Ltd' and who are the white-masked figures lurking in a local warehouse? A cautionary tale of voodoo, revenge and line dancing...bedraggled figure demands sanctuary from Bernice and unfolds a tale from his own past.

Germany 1975 and Herr and Frau Lipp welcome the arrival of young English student Matthew Parker. Increasingly disturbed by the older man's desire to "take pleasure from the boys" Matthew becomes convinced that the predatory choirmaster is not just the only queen in Duisburg but the only vampire too...distraught Dr. Chinnery has lost yet another patient. As the night closes in, he reveals his great-grandfather's legacy. This Victorian incarnation is a prince among vets until he accepts a job in the quaint northern town of Royston Vasey. Delivered by a strangely familiar coachman (who is a martyr to his monthlies) Edmund Chinnery's carefully ordered life unravels as he becomes embroiled with an obsessed bicyclist, a monkey's testicles and the diabolical curse of Karrit Poor...