This book was written in an era before trigger warnings. Sensitive readers please proceed with caution. --Love, Augusten.

From the #1 bestselling author of Running with Scissors and Dry--a contagiously funny, heartwarming, shocking, twisted, and absolutely magical collection. True stories that give voice to the thoughts we all have but dare not mention. It begins with a Tang Instant Breakfast Drink television commercial when Augusten was seven. Then there is the contest of wills with the deranged cleaning lady. The execution of a rodent carried out with military precision and utter horror. Telemarketing revenge. Dating an undertaker. And much more. A collection of true stories that are universal in their appeal, yet unabashedly intimate and very funny.