My name's Noah Kilmartin. I'm from Ruddock, Ohio, and I'm absolutely, 100% unqualified to save the universe from the slavering demonic hordes of the super evil bitch queen Lilith.

Too bad nobody asked my opinion.

All I've got to do is pass five lethal trials that'll prove I'm the universe's last chance at salvation. To do so I'll have to lean hard on those three years of Okinawan jiu-jutsu classes I took in highschool, learn to wield my new magic sword, and oh yeah - bond with five companions whose job it'll be to keep me alive in the process.

Piece of cake. Right?

Warning and minor spoilers: "The Five Trials" is an 18+ book intended for mature readers. It contains copious amounts of graphic sex, medieval violence, and dark themes.