Whether you like it or not, Dick Cheney is our president. Whoops, we mean vice president. Now, just in time for hunting season, here’s an indispensable guide fully loaded with tips for surviving these tortuous Cheney years, including

• 6 actions to take if you think someone is spying on you

• 4 recipes for cooking quail

• 4 public relations steps to take if you’ve shot someone

• 9 things Halliburton is under investigation for

• 6 ways to impeach a vice president

• 7 things to do if your children exhibit Cheney-like behavior (other than send them hunting with the vice president)

• 9 ways to profit financially from Cheney

So take heart that we’re in the last throes, if you will, of the Cheney reign. Remember, the best kind of leader by far is a lame duck!