When a seemingly crazy, poorly dressed soothsayer tells you not to let a magical talisman fall into the wrong hands, take him or her seriously. DO NOT laugh it off and leave said talisman simply lying around on a side table; you might as well just end the world yourself. —The Handbook of Practical Heroics, p. 134

The kingdom of Deserae is in the most direly perilous of dire perils. The realm’s precious magical talisman—Ancient Artifact Model Seven—is in the grimy hands of the evil Lord Voltmeter (He Who Must Be Named)…

Only one man can stop him (and, by the by, win the hand of Deserae’s exceedingly well-proportioned princess). Unfortunately, he’s never really done this sort of thing before. But Prince Kevin Timberline is determined to find a way into the Fortress of Doom (perhaps through the gift shop?), resist the advances of a leather-clad, whip-wielding temptress (well, maybe that’s not so bad), and face an army of unspeakable nastiness (okay, that’s bad), armed only with his reasonably pure heart, questionable courage—and most importantly, a copy of The Handbook of Practical Heroics…