You maddddd-e up your mind about me, Momma, and Candy the day they caught me wearin' my favoritttt-te T-shirtttt.

Silly you. 'Cause I ain't Momma, Candy, or even Flora. And believe it or not, there was a time long before all them Things. Them Things are just the sprinkles on tttt-top. I'm Jimmie. And that's gonna have to be better than salty nuts.

Momma's right. Serial killers don't grow on trees. But they don't get planted either. And now, with nothing to lose, it's time for a guy to set-ttt the record straight and clear up all the Things that came to be long before Thing 13.

You ready, sweet T-tttthing? This is a story about your very own Jimmie and just how I got from that backyard freezer fort, off Momma's couch, and on my way to infamy.