IN THIS ISSUE OF THE DREAD MACHINE...

Go west and weird, join the Goth Girls' Gun Gang, explore the bottom of the Mariana Trench, learn what cicadas taste like, hide from the corporate warlords, and sew your fractured self together.

Climb to the top of the pyramid scheme, find the joy in devouring, and save your stupid boyfriend. Pick a door, pick a door, then pick another door-and hope none of them open into the void of space.

Whatever you do, don't listen to the man in the mirror, try not to overthink the produce arrangement, and remember, there is nothing in the jar.