Splinters has somehow managed to scoop the jackpot and score the Wildcats a gig playing at the reopening of Wembley Stadium. The team is excited until they realise that they are scheduled to play the cream of English schoolboys. And it’s the Wildcats who are going to get creamed!

After years of being humiliated by Australia at cricket, swimming, equestrian, and beach volleyball, the English FA decides that, with the rest of the world watching, it’s time for a bit of colonial payback. But the authorities haven’t counted on the pride that goes with pulling on the green and gold, or in the Wildcats’ case, the red and blue.