The Western Wildcats are in trouble. About the only good thing you could say for their goalkeeper, Smokin (so called because he’s never without a Chupa Chup in his mouth!), is that he’s got a newish pair of gloves. He keeps taking off for the toilet or he’ll go to the canteen or home—right in the middle of a game! But he’s got a lot on his mind, what with his father building a blue and yellow (Go the Eels!) Chinese junk in their backyard and planning to sail off down the local creek and head for Hawaii. So do they really expect Smokin to keep for the entire game? Of course he’s not the only problem: some of Throw-in’s clearances are adding to the rings around Saturn, and Own-goal keeps scoring hat-tricks for the opposing team. Brazilian methods don’t seem to be working so far, but their coach is still trying. Is it any wonder, though, that people are saying the Western Wildcats suck?